Pettra looks across the room at the door where there is the tiniest slit of light peeking into the dark room. The room that might as well be her soul. It’s been so long since she has felt the relief of light, so long since the door has been open.
7 months before
Work is always a chore. There are the few fun times. Thinking about E always seems to make the day bearable. This wonderful man is the one God has made for me. Together we have overcome what has seemed impossible. There have been many ups and downs. More downs than ups it often seems. I have made so many mistakes. So many hurtful decisions and through it all this amazing man is still in love with me. I am truly blessed. Looking into his smile is brighter than the sun could ever be. I am his beloved and he is mine. Dreams do come true. This is where I want my day to begin and end. This is where I want to confine myself. This is where I want to dance like a chicken. This is where I want to pray. This is where I want to begin a new life. This is where I am sure God wants me. This is where I want to be a better person. This is where I want to bake all day. This is where cleaning the bathroom isn’t a chore. This is where even a smile can make my heart soar. This is where no matter what I am comfortable. This is where I can cry. This is where I want to walk in the snow with a warm hand in mine. This is where I can think of a million things I want to do. This is where I have found my soul mate. In these arms, this smile, this God-fearing, amazing man.
So many hurts. Too many tears. Too many foolish mistakes I always thought I would be forgiven. I knew I loved him. What I didn’t realize ‘til it was to late is that you can hurt someone too much. Breaking someone’s trust is impossible to repair. E, I’m sorry. I know I have said it before but it won’t happen again. I love you! You mean everything to me and I’ll do anything and everything to make it up to you. I’m sorry.
Tide laundry soap. So simple. An everyday item. This can bring tears to my eyes in a breath. It reminds me of him. My face buried in his shoulder. Borrowing a sweatshirt. Even riding in his car, it smells of tide. How can something you don’t wash smell like laundry soap? It’s a good tug on a bad heart string.
It’s been so long. The wound is starting to heal. The love is still real. The pain is still there. The man is gone. Pettra vows to never be that person again. She will love with honesty, trust, and never ending sincerity. She still holds on to the man that gave her heart its first hope.
One Comment
You made both of us cry – this post was especially astonishing in its depth and beauty and honesty. Love you!!
What an amazing writer you are – I’ll admit I was surprised. Keep writing though – it made me feel your sadness, wish I had something uplifting to tell you.